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| !!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!!
Research on bread indicates that:
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
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| So, several really stupid things happen on L word, but I just couldn't stop laughing, even though I knew they were stupid. I'm scared.. is this a healthy response?
My cats drink my fishies water right out of the tank, while he's swimming in it, lol. I think this is pretty cute, ..maybe a little weird.
My life consists of reading, writing, working and stopping to smoke weed.
So yeah, i'm confused is this who I'm supposed to be right now? SHould i not be talking about weed on a publicly viewable site? Am I supposed to be more than this? .. I feel so weeiiird.
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| It's been a long week. This job is demanding, i have to spend like nearly half an hour listening to people's opinions about cereal and automobiles and/or vehicles. Bleh. no no, not their opinions... their "consumer opinions".
Ok, it's not really half/bad At least the hang-ups are interesting, so long as they don't take up too much of my goddamn precious time. And voila the count..:
1 Times told to fuck myself and die
8 Times told I'm a nazi-loving pinko
100 Times hung up on
69 Times lead on
1 Times asked what my favorite colour is
..and etc.
Those numbers are approximations, but you get the drift. Someone *did* however scream out 'frosted flakes' and 'tony the tiger' a few times while I did the cereal survey O.o I had to be all official with him. And I found that Manitobans sure get *pretty* enthusiastic about their phone/internet suppliers.
lol you have no idea how many times i just had to edit that last sentence, nothing about this job is cool, that can't have sounded remotely interesting.
Anyway, I love going through the spiel, hearing the person on the other line grumble and drop the phone, lol those are the best. I hate the people who go through half the g/d survey with you and then decide they're too busy. It's a fucking survey, if they thought you'd fill out the whole thing they'd have sent a print copy. Or something, whatever. The point is i like the job. Sitting around all day drooling at a computer, perfect. | | |
| So I started my new job. and am nine jobs on my way to reaching my goal of 10 jobs in 4 years. ..YES! *excited*. Though I"m not sure if I'll leave this one, this job has been grrreat so far. Been employed almost a week and I haven't had to work a shift yet! woo! Actually I haven't started, training will be soon. please don't scream at me if I call you with consumer surveys, I'm not selling anything I promise! I wonder how many hang-ups I'll get. .. and general profanity. I'll have to do a count.
Times told to fuck myself and die
Times told I'm a nazi-loving pinko
Times hung up on
Times lead on
Times asked what my favorite colour is
..and etc.
It seems like everywhere I go, everywhere I turn, there's another essay. I hate essays. I've been swimming in essays, I breathe in and out essays. I wish it were that easy, this year is immense. With essayness. I hate it. Die.
-EDIT-
I ALMOST DIED ON A TREADMILL TODAY | | |
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